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The Sunday Times called it… SHOCKING! The Guardian said… “ELMO has disappointed us all”

the Sun remarked… “ELMO represented the innocence in all of us” “We thought he was squeaky clean” …said The Daily Mail

The startling new adventure, Chapter 6 2010:

ELMO and the COBRA... (Saturday Night fever)

ELMO's latest adventure begins on a fine sunny Saturday in Bisley, the 2010 Gallery Rifle National Championships to be precise.

He was chatting in the Melville car park with some of the guys from the LCBM after a disappointing morning’s shooting were he experienced several senior moments and a couple of malfunctions.

With hindsight, we should have suspected something like that may have pushed him close to the edge and cause him to question his own sanity…

Mid afternoon a car pulled into the car park, this was no ordinary car, this was an AC COBRA, which just happened to be the car ELMO had set his mind on owning when he had earned enough money from his part time modelling work, his spying for MI6 (a bit hush hush…) and his other job as a personal trainer to… well I can’t reveal the person except to say that his client is an actress who plays a cleric, living in a village that shares it’s name with Dwayne from Red Dwarf and, she doesn’t call on ELMO that often… …anyway, I digress.

ELMO made a beeline for the AC COBRA to give it the once over and chat with the driver who was French and staying on the camp for a couple of days, he let him sit in the car and eventually, (after much begging!) took him for a drive around the camp in it, but the driver had to go because he had to be up at Dawn to catch the ferry home to France.

ELMO was the happiest Muppet on the planet... he was elated for the rest of the day and didn’t talk about anything but the drive in his favourite car.

Later that evening after dinner we all paid a visit to the Army Club for a couple of drinks and a chat, ELMO had been quiet for a couple of hours and started knocking back the Cheeky Vimto’s.

I noticed around 10.30pm that he had gone missing, someone said he had gone to the toilet but that was 20 mins ago, when he didn’t come back to the bar we just thought he'd gone outside for some fresh air.

There was no sign of him by 11.15pm so I opened the door to look on the veranda and was nearly knocked over by the owner of the AC COBRA pushing past me into the club, he was told that the LCBM’s would be here and urgently needed to speak to us…

The tale that unfolded was one of horror and dread... he conveyed to us in a trembling voice that he was sitting in his lodgings watching repeats of the Vicar of Dibley when he heard someone starting the engine of his beloved motor car, he slipped his feet into his tartan slippers and stumbled outside only to see the tail lights of the COBRA disappearing down the driveway.

The only thing he saw was the top of a red fluffy head as his prized possession screeched round the corner at the bottom of his drive and he could have sworn he heard the theme from the Muppet Show playing on the radio…

Well, we were all stunned by this story, no one believed it at first but when he showed me a 2004 Phoenix badge he had found on the floor were the car was parked, I knew it was him, this was his first year at the Phoenix and he treasured that badge as Bev had bought it for him.

The response to this man’s statement was immediate, we all climbed into a car and started a search of the camp were we thought ELMO might go.

After half an hour or so it was obvious he wasn't on the camp so we decided to search further afield, I remembered ELMO saying something earlier about a new Disco that had opened in Guildford, so we headed off in search of it.

After a rigorous search we finally found the new Disco called “FEENIKS” in Sesame St in the centre of Guildford.

We paid our £5 each to enter and fanned out in our search for the little reprobate, it didn’t take long, as we moved through the club there was a commotion on the dance floor, we followed the partygoers stares and were amazed and somewhat stunned to find ELMO doing a John Travolta dance number with several young ladies, I recognised one as Janice who co-starred in the Muppinator with ELMO last year and with whom he had a steamy affair with whilst filming the movie.

It seems they had been keeping in touch by Skype & text and when she text him that she was booked to officially open this new Disco, ELMO wondered how he could there get to meet her.

When the dance routine had come to an end, we approached the little car thief who shot off in the direction of the exit as soon as he scoped us, dragging the helpless Janice with him, but being only 18 inches high with very short stumpy legs we quickly apprehended him.

He and Janice travelled back to the camp in the car with the LCBM’s and I had the unfortunate (woo hoo!) task of driving the COBRA back to its owner who, after hearing the explanation, finding nothing wrong with his motor and much persuasion from the LCBM’s, decided to put this incident behind him and not report it to the police. For that we thank him.

A relieved ELMO spent a dirty night with Janice and waved her off the following morning as her Limousine collected her to whisk her off to her next engagement.

Later that morning I took ELMO to one side and asked him what happened to make him go off the rails like that.

He had aired his feelings to me before, but it was only then that he revealed the extent of his concerns about his Father and the Dementia, explaining that after knocking back several pints and a few Cheeky Vimto’s he started pondering about the senior moments he had on the range earlier that day and worried he may be starting to lose it sooner than he expected, he decided that he wanted to live life to the full and enjoy what was left of it while he could still remember…

As it turned out, he’d had a few to many drinks and was just... pissed!

Knowing Janice was in Guildford that night and desperately wanting to meet her, (and confident he was on a promise..!) in a moment of madness he decided to steal the COBRA and drive to the "FEENIKS" Disco to meet up with her.

ELMO would like to take this opportunity to say that he feels he has let his fans down, and the LCBM who need him as their mascot and would like to apologise profusely for his actions and his behaviour.

He has seen the error of his ways and hopes everyone will find it in their hearts to forgive him as something like this will never happen again…

…until the next time…! ha ha ha! ….vroom!... BEEP BEEP!

ELMO and the COBRA... (Saturday Night fever)

Starring - ELMO

Co Starring - Janice

with guest appearances by the LCBM Members and the staff and customers at the "FEENIKS" Disco in Guildford

The Producer would like to thank everyone that was involved in the making of this Adventure,
and also to mention that the cast are highly trained and perform all their own stunts. (eventually!)
So we beg you, do not, under any circumstances, attempt these stunts at home!

Photo's by: DevilSpawn. Technical Advisors: Mark, Clive & Jim.
Written, Edited & Posted by: DevilSpawn

ELMO lovingly trained by Beverley A and seconded to DevilSpawn for the making of this Adventure

If these photo's contain any likeness to persons or animals living or dead it's purely coincidental... and really.. really sad...!

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Stay tuned for the next instalment in: The Continuing Adventures of ELMO...